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CATCH UP WITH THE BLACK LOBSTER

OLD PORT, MAINE

LOCAL TAVERN ALONG THE WARF

“Shark Frenzy,” The lady with the THICK Russian accent said as she slammed down her third Black Russian shot. I was working on my own, a White Russian shot though I had lost count some time ago. “Black man, White Russian, White girl, Black Russian,” She wailed a hardy belly laugh. The bartender handed her another shot glass full and it never made it to the bar top.

The guy looked at me, “You paying?” and I gave him the okay. He hesitated so I pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and put it on the bar. He made her another drink.

“You think you’re going to get lucky, tonight don’t you?” She said guzzling the drink down again.

“Not really. I’ve already been lucky once this year.”

“Why do I do what I do you ask?”

“What do you do?”

“I’m an Escort, a prostitute,” She didn’t wait for me to respond. “The money? Oh, it’s a great career choice, I go out there and service 10, 15, 20, 30 middle-aged, greasy, hairy white men every night only to have the privilege of turning the money over to my pimp.” She finally sat down on her stool.

We both downed our drinks. I was starting to feel it. “You like tattoos? I have a special one, it’s hypnotic.” She turned her back to me and pulled up her shirt. Her back was covered by a very strange tattoo that seemed to move and change shape as I looked. I personally hate tattoos but suddenly hers was beginning to look better and better. She staggered to her feet. “I’m ready, take me home now.”

Just my luck a drunk off the wall Russian call girl with a quivering tattoo. I’d be crazy to mess with her. Good thing I already got lucky this year.

All at once a brute of a man slammed through the door rushed over and slapped her across the face. “BITCH.”

I moved quickly in-between them grabbing the man by the collar and slapping him across his. “Don’t you know that hurts?” The guy went to punch me, but I blocked it and body slammed him into the bar. He groggily said something in Russian then he passed out.

A lovely lady who was watching from the end of the bar, all smiles walked up to me. “Wow, it’s not every day that you get rescued by the famous BLACK LOBSTER!”